Sometimes I dread talking to her because I know it’s going to hurt and I’m going to worry.
I’m usually right. Although I miss her like crazy and dread the day she won’t be there to talk to anymore.
Today she told me how she really can’t walk anymore, and how much pain she’s in and how my mother is homeless and sleeping on her floor and how she can’t even talk about my brother because she says she is “going to break apart and she can’t take this life anymore”. And then she starts crying and says she can’t talk about him anymore. Oh, and my dog is dying, probably going to go any day now. Also, she’s sad I’m so far away, but she’s trying to stay strong.
It’s all sadness, and pain.
It’s one of the reasons I applied for jobs all over the country, because I wanted to escape and get away from them, from that drama and sadness and pain. And ultimately I mostly did, instead of having to see it and deal with it every day I only have to once a week or two when I talk to my Grams.
I wish I could pick her up and bring her here and show her all good things and things to be happy about. She’s 89 next week, she should be enjoying her old age as much as she can, instead she’s constantly worried about my drug addict family members. Even if I brought her here, she’d constantly be thinking about them, so it wouldn’t matter anyways.
I just got off the phone with her and had to cry for a good 10 minutes. It’s better than dealing with it everyday right?
I don’t want to go home and visit soon… But maybe I will have to. My grams is my best friend in the world… I would feel like such shit if I didn’t try to see her and be there for her as much as I can while she’s still here. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, I want her to know that I’m okay and I did something with my life because of her.
This is important. Stop big cat hunting. This literally is making me cry.
The way the lion tries to shut out the light…
:Why would you shoot it?